My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
