please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can you bring me the toilet please
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize