I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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