I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
