how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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