I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
