well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
two words...techno handjob
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
