Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
