You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i have two assholes
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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