I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
