you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
