Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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