i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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