I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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