someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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