I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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