Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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