I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
