I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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