Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
