Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
