He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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