I can text with my tongue
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
