your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
