And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize