we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
