We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
