i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
