new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
