Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
