a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We named our party play list daddy issues
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
