well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize