Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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