just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize