Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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