so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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