she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
