I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
