but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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