If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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