As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
