I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
