you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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