Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
