EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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