Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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