so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
