Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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