There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
