I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
