yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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