I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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