i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
