Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize