omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
