this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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