I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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