She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
