Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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