So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
