Soap is not a condiment
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
