If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
there is glitter all over my balls
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