I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
