i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
