We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Houston, we have a blender
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
