thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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