im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
