he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
